A Kiss Before I Leave You
by MikoNoNyte
Summary: Shadow Hearts Covenant. Major Spoilers! A time of love, a time of pain, a time of promises and memories. Zurich.


A Kiss Before I Leave You

Author's Note: Major Shadow Hearts/Shadow Hearts Covenant spoiler here. If you've not played the games, and you get spoiled, don't blame me. I don't own the characters, but I will admit this is a sappy little piece of melodrama. What can I say? I'm a romantic. Happy Valentines days peeps, and you too, Yuri.

He sat on the ground by the grave, his back to the tree and sighed. He'd managed to get here one last time. With all the traveling the group was doing via Roger's plane, the Bacon-jet, it was nip and tuck to get back before today. It had been a special day to Alice's mind, and she had teased him about it when they were together that last week.

Yuri had finished helping Roger back at Nemeton in Wales, securing those damned books the Vatican was looking for and which Roger thought too dangerous even for them, and they had finally said their goodbyes to England, catching the ferry to Le Havre. It had been mild weather but Yuri had still spent the voyage doubled over the railing, feeding the fishes and Alice, dear heart and true comfort to him, had stood by, a damp cloth in her hands and a kind word on her lips. For the life of him, he could not understand her kindness to him that day. He'd been in a foul mood anyway, having lost a bet on a wrestling match the night before in Southampton. He should have known better than to bet, but the odds were too good to pass up. To assuage his guilt over that he'd had too much to drink at the bar in the hotel and woke with a hangover the size of Neam. Alice had been kind there too, using her Wish magic to heal his pounding skull.

Leaning on the railing he turned his pale face toward his lover, a wan smile playing on is lips.

"You are too kind to me, Alice," he said before feeling his stomach lurch again and sending him back over the rail, retching.

"That's all right Yuri. I love you. How could I let you suffer?" she asked and reached over the rail to wipe his brow, then his mouth with the damp cloth. "Why don't you sit down; maybe you'll feel better if you sit."

"That's all right," he muttered and hovered over the edge some more.

Alice stood up and crossed the deck to the nearby benches, pulling a blanket from his pack and opening it up on the bench. She then went back and took his elbow, pulling him away from the railing and helping him to sit, then to lie down on the blanket. He put his feet up, bending his knees so she could sit next to him and he moaned, closing his eyes, covering his face with one coat-sleeved arm.

"Man, I hate this," he said into his coat sleeve. He opened his mouth to breath, catching the scent of warm leather and dirty coat; the sharp tang of the salt air and the noisome smells of fish and above it all, like a spring breeze, an enticement and a balm, the smell of Alice. She always smelled so clean and fresh, like she had just stepped from the bath; and her perfume was delicate, clean. He thought for a moment, sniffing deeply and tasting the aroma on his tongue. Ah yes, white carnation.

"We'll be in Le Havre in a couple of hours, Yuri. We can catch a train to Paris. I – I want to visit my uncle there," she said hesitantly and one long finger gently stroked his brow. He moved his arm down, letting it rest on his chest and breathed deeper, the slow, steady stroke of her cool finger easing the pounding throb of his sea-sick head.

"Can I put my head on your lap, Alice?" he asked after a few minutes and Alice nodded, picking up his head for her to scoot closer before laying him back down again. He rubbed his head into her thigh, feeling the softness of her skirt and her flesh beneath his hard head, and her scent washed over him again, sending delighted shivers down his spine.

"Thanks," he said.

"You're welcome," Alice said softly and again caressed his forehead with her fingers, gentling his brow, then his cheek with her cool and delicate touch.

They remained in silence for a while, the cry of seagulls the only disturbance on their side of the ferry until a child's voice, raised in a tantrum, reminded them of others just beyond the cabin door. The voice was quickly hushed and Yuri grinned.

"You ever thought about kids, Alice," he asked floating in the pleasant sensations of Alice's touch on his face.

"Um-hum," she said and then giggled. "I would like to have your child, Yuri, once we're married, of course."

"Yeah, that. Ya know," he said and sighed deeply before continuing, "I shoulda had Zhuzhen or Rog marry us. Then we coulda already."

Alice's fingers hesitated only a moment before continuing their gentle strokes.

"I mean, it's not like yer mom would say no, once we've done it..." he said and waited for her response. When she didn't speak, he continued. "An' really, I have a hard time not wanting to really get with you ya know, I mean like now... I could take you in my arms and ravish you and nobody would complain cuz we're married an' all."

"I'd complain," she said.

"W-why?" he said and opened almond eyes to look up at her deep blue orbs.

"Because, I don't want to be ravished. I want you to make _love_ to me, but not _ravish_ me," she said the then pinched his nose.

He chuckled softly.

"But you cannot do either until we're married. And it's too late for either Roger or Zhuzhen. We'll just have to wait until we get to Zhurich, unless," she started.

"Unless?"

"Unless we do it in Paris. We could get married in Paris," she said and he watched her face grow soft and mellow, her eyes looking up at the ocean swells and he knew she was picturing some stinking church wedding with all the trimmings.

"Yeah, well-"

They didn't speak again, Yuri closing his eyes and pretending to sleep and Alice gently stroking his brow, knowing he wasn't asleep, but letting him get away with avoiding conversation. She let her mind wander as the boat chugged along the channel, the spray from the ocean swells washing the bow and sliding along the portside deck. She watched as seagulls flew in crazy gyrating patterns over the ferry and remembered another ferry ride in China and a sick Yuri lying at her feet. He hadn't been very romantic then either.

Yuri opened one eye, squinting to look up at Alice. She was still looking out over the ocean with that far-away dreamy look in her eyes and he wondered what visions she was seeing. Was it simply church weddings, or something else, something more pleasant? Looking back at the last year, there hadn't been that many pleasant memories to share, but the few they had... He had a sudden strong memory of the two of them avoiding a rain squall on the road to Fengtian, the two of them still shy around each other and Yuri not sure what to make of the young exorcist. And that reminded him of the other rainstorm they'd weathered on the road to Rouen. Now that had been sweet; too bad the others had been there too. The corners of his mouth turned up slightly and he felt a smile worming its way onto his face whether he will or no. The times he spent with Alice were like a treasure to him, and each one was precious. The times she'd do things that totally annoyed him – like picking up stray puppies, or wandering off without telling him, nearly giving him a heart attack when she disappeared for two days – returning to tell him of her brief encounter with Cardinal Albert Simon. Even now, when he thought of it, he felt a frisson shudder its way up his spine and a tightening in his groin that he had come so close to losing her.

Startled at the sudden turn of his thoughts he blinked and checked Alice again. She had leaned back against the bench, one hand resting gently on his shoulder, her eyes closed. He could see her bosom rising and falling in gentle waves, and wondered if she'd fallen asleep. He watched in fascination as the blue coat she wore filled then grew slack as her bosom moved with her breathing. How he longed to reach out and touch that temptation, but he resisted, not because his head hurt, for indeed the pounding pain had receded, but because, ironically, he didn't know where she'd hidden her bible.

A smirk wormed its way onto his face and he opened both eyes wide to take her in. He loved the way she looked; even with the wind tearing at her silvery locks, pulling strands of hair out of well-kept braids, and her azure eyes closed to his admiring gaze, he thought she was the most beautiful, enchanting and desirable woman in the world.

"Are you going to stare at me all day?" Alice asked quietly, startling Yuri into sitting up. She opened her eyes, gazed in amusement at her fiancé, and covered her mouth to hide her giggles.

"You," he said in mock anger and then chuckled himself. "Thanks, I feel better."

"You're welcome, Yuri.

He stood, pulling up the blanket from the bench before sitting down again next to Alice, folding the blanket lengthwise and wrapping it around her shoulders. She hadn't said she was cold, but this gave him the excuse to sit close and wrap one arm around her shoulders. She didn't complain, instead snuggling back into the blanket and laying her head on his chest. He felt a tingle of excitement wash over him, but when he looked down at her happy face, he felt nothing but a deep affection, and wanted nothing more than to hold her, to cuddle her, to protect her forever. That smirk of his showed up again, and he didn't bother to swallow it down, letting it show for all the world to see: this is my woman, and nobody better lay a finger on her.

She rubbed her cheek on his chest, the coarse material abrading her soft skin slightly but she only moved closer still, putting her arms around his thin waist. She was smiling and Yuri wondered what thoughts were spinning around in her blonde head when she suddenly sighed.

"Do you know what I want when we get to Paris, Yuri?" she asked.

Yuri's other arm rose to scratch the back of his head, setting his hair to further disarray.

"Um- well," he said, "a wedding?" he answered, hoping the hesitation in his answer didn't alarm her.

She giggled softly, and he felt the thrum of her voice in his chest. "Well, yes, that," she said and laughed.

He thought for a moment more, picturing all the possible answers to such a question: _getting laid, getting married, getting drunk, getting laid_, each answer leading him down happy little lanes of desire with her but when he looked down and saw her looking up at him, his silly, selfish grin a betrayal of his thoughts, he coughed, blushing.

"Um, well, shit," he stuttered.

"Yuri," was all she said before putting her head down on his chest again, moving the material away from her cheek, exposing his skin to her soft flesh.

_Oh god._

"Did I ever tell you about Saint Valentine?" she asked softly.

Startled, Yuri jerked in his seat before looking down at her again.

"N-no."

"He's a very special saint in the church; he married people back in the old days," she supplied.

_Okay, here it comes._

"Yeah, and?" he said.

She breathed silently for a few minutes, dragging it out, her cheek resting on his breast, and her lips a mere breath away from his nipple and he had visions of her mouth doing wonderful things when,

"And we celebrate this saint with gifts," she said.

Yuri shook his head, pulling his mind away from the kind of gifts he wanted her to give him right here and now.

"Um, gifts? What kinda gifts?"

Alice smiled, her delicate pink lips pulling back to reveal her teeth.

"Sweets."

Yuri thought about it for a moment before finally taking the plunge.

"Are you sayin' you want me to buy you some candy, Alice?"

Alice laughed softly, her breath washing over him and sending shivers down his spine. He settled himself better on the bench, wishing either it were softer or he was.

"I am simply saying, Yuri love, I would like to have some chocolate when we get to Paris. There's this lovely atelier de chocolat on the Rue de Rivoli. We could get some chocolate, and sit in the park, looking down on the Isle de Cite; maybe even go to Notre Dame."

Yuri contemplated her description a moment before laughing softly.

"A church, huh? You an' yer churches," he said.

"Yuri, it's a grand cathedral, very beautiful. I doubt we could be married there as I am not Catholic and neither are you," she said and then laughed at the mental image of Yuri trying to behave at a Catholic Wedding Mass. Yuri chuckled softly next to her and she sat up, looking into his amber almond eyes.

"I want some chocolate, Yuri. Can we please get some chocolate before we visit my uncle?"

"Sure – " he paused. "Uncle?"

Alice nodded. "My aunt's husband. He's in the theatre and has an apartment in the east of Paris; he'd like you I think," she finished.

"Yeah, sure," Yuri said and put it aside for now. No way was he spending time with some old fart of an uncle when he could be spending it with Alice instead.

"Tell ya what," he said. "We'll have that chocolate in Paris; an' we'll visit that old church of yours, an' well – we'll see about the uncle."

"Yuri," Alice exclaimed and swatted him, which only made him laugh.

From the docks in Le Havre, they caught a brougham to the train station and caught the next train for Paris. They shared some fruit Yuri had picked up at a roadside vendor and together they watched as the sun slowly passed noon, before drifting off to sleep. Warm and cozy in the old wooden train car, Yuri slept soundly, not waking until the sun had westered and shone red and orange in the window, bathing the car in autumnal hues. Rubbing his eyes, he turned toward Alice, her head resting gently against his shoulder. He didn't want to disturb her, as she looked so sweet but he couldn't resist placing a kiss on her lily-white cheek.

And with that, his whole world changed. His lips touched her cheek and met cold, resistant flesh. Fully awake now, he turned in his seat, pushing her up to lay her head against the backrest, one hand touching her chest, feeling beneath her coat for her heartbeat. A sudden tightness filled his chest, a flash of agony greater than any pain he had felt in his life, greater than the pain of losing his father and mother. Tears filled his eyes, splashing down over cheeks pulled back in an agony of despair, for his love, his heart and soul lay against the seat, no longer breathing, no longer alive. His shout of pain and despair was heard all over the train and echoed in his thoughts even as he leaned against the tree near where his beloved was buried.

He had dug her grave himself, digging with his own claws and hand, his fingers tearing at the cold hard soil until they bled. He had laid her to rest in a coffin, her slim, loving form wrapped safely in his father's old army coat. And once the ground was pulled up over the coffin, he put up a stone, carved with his own words, his own thoughts, he own oath.

_Be at peace, Alice Elliot! This I swear. Your soul will have my lifelong love... Yours, Yuri._

He'd cried so much that day, digging the grave, and that night, while a sudden storm raged across the Alps, drenching him to the skin; he'd cried until his eyes, red and sore from emotion, could shed not another single tear. Then, when the storm had lashed its final fury onto the mountain and onto Yuri, he turned and made his way toward France and the uncle he'd never met; the only family he knew to find.

Today, however, the sky was not black with clouds, nor a raging storm. No, today was filled with warm sunshine and the grass around the grave was green and prickly with new growth. The tree above waved its proud leaves in the breeze and from somewhere the smell of mountain wild flowers drifted on the gentle breeze. His back to the tree, Yuri pulled out a package from his fanny pack, and showing it to Alice's grave.

"See, I got this just for you. I know how much it meant to you," he said and then used one blunt finger to pry open the brown wrapping paper, letting it rustle away in the breeze, forgotten. He held a small white box in the palm of his hand, the box closed loosely with a ribbon, and he smiled at the thought of that box, and how delighted Alice would have been at his thoughtfulness.

He lifted the box and held it up to the light, the whiteness catching his eyes like jewels.

"Ah fuck, I'm gettin' sentimental," he muttered before pulling the ribbon off and tossing it aside. Inside the small box was a bit of crinkly tissue paper and two pieces of dark chocolate. He took one of the truffles and set it on Alice's grave, near the dates so coldly lettered into the hard stone. The other piece he took for himself, dropping the box at his side and looking at the tiny confection in his fingers.

The tightness was back in his chest, the same he'd felt that day on the train. And he wondered if it was only the memory of losing her, or perhaps more of the mistletoe's curse. But blinking aside the tears that threatened his crimson eyes, he popped the chocolate into his mouth, chewing quickly and swallowing. Then he leaned back against the tree and listened silently to the wind whistling in the forest, hearing again her soft laughter, the kind words she spoke, the gentleness of her touch. It wasn't until he heard the cries of his friends calling for him that he sighed and rose to his feet.

Standing now, looking down at the lonely grave in the meadow, Yuri felt closer to finding the answers he was seeking; answers to his own personal quest of his happiness. He was not happy, had not been happy since Alice's death. But now, standing here at her grave, celebrating her gift of chocolate, he felt closer to that answer. One thing he knew for certain: he loved her with all his heart, mind and soul and no one, not any human being or god, could ever change that.

"I love you, Alice Elliot," he said to the grave, then turned to waive at the others who he could see coming from the nearby forest. Time to go.


End file.
